Motherhood Dystonia

Dystonia and Motherhood

I started thinking about motherhood in my 20s, at the time didn’t have a partner and was not sure if I could even give birth with my dystonia and produce a healthy baby and even if I did manage to; would society¬† accept a mother with a health condition. The whole idea created a whole lot of fear. As much as I tried to bury this idea, I could only feel my maternal intinct getting stronger.

After meeting the right person and a heap of research, Information and constant appointments I finally had the reassurance to go ahead and do it. I finally got pregnant but unfortunately, in my first pregnancy It didn’t all go to plan. My first baby was a little girl whom I had early at only 22 weeks and sadly lost.

A year after I gave birth to a healthy beautiful little boy, I couldn’t have Botox during my pregnancy as my consultant advised against it, which was not easy. my shaking increased slightly and I felt very self conscious and the pregnancy and dystonia caused a lot of back neck pain.

It was all worth it and I opted to do it again and had another beautiful baby boy a year after. Three years on I have two incredibly energetic toddlers. There is no doubt motherhood is challenging for any parent but does dystonia make it even more harder?

I don’t think so for me, although I cant compare to a time when I was a mother without dystonia. Maybe i have just adapted. My only biggest concern is that when they start school I only hope the other kids wont pick on them because of my health condition.

Dear Dystonia

Dear Dystonia

I hated you when you first entered my life, I could not understand why you chose me to punish.

That hate for you turned into hate for myself, low self esteem, low self value and a negative perspective of myself, which lead to negative mindless affirming; like “no man will ever find me attractive”, ” I am bit slow “, “i don’t believe my body is strong and healthy”.

I believed them and they manifest.

How you knocked me down Dystonia, but if I wasn’t knocked down, how would I know how to get up?

If I didn’t negatively affirm would I know the benefits of positively affirming?

If you did not cause self hate would i know progressively try to build internal love?

If you didn’t cause chaos in me would I even know how to identify the peace within me?

As you take me through trails I will learn, overcome and achieve.

You have made me understand without rain there is no growth.

Yours sincerely